Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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