I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize