I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
