Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
