i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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