You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize