I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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