he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
NoShamevember. You game?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
