Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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