I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
