nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
