thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
