Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
