I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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