So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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