I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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