If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
