One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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