Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We need a shit load of segways right now
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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