I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
