she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
