We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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