You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
