Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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