too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize