I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
