Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I am naked and annoyed.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
