Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
