I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
