and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
