I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
