She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize