if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
