You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize