Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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