I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
