He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
