hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
