I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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