I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
All the doctor said was why
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
