Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
