Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
