it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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