thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
