i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
