Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
