You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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