I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
