is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
