She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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