I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize