my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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