How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
