I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
