Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
