You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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