she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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