Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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