I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
