So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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