well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
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