How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My dick has a subreddit
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
