cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
