So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
