I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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