Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
