Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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