I got chris browned last night
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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