no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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