I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
