I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
everyone is single if you try hard enough
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
