This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
