How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
