he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
