i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
