Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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