I wish I could teleport
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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