My hand turned me down
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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