I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
