I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
