I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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